365-16 Nadine on…The Perfect ten – the Deal Makers

Recently, a few gal pals of mine and I had the joy of spending some quality girl-time noshing on tacos and consuming an adult beverage…or two. The topic came up as to what type of personality characteristics and attributes did we find most desirable in men. Is it brut or Braun? Book Smarts or Street Smarts? Hopeless romantics or just Romantically hopeless to even talk about it? Lol

We talked about many attributes a man might have that are desirable. Y’all get your minds out of the gutter. Not everything revolves around that myth. We cussed and discussed the bad men and how they would never make the list.

Not all of our lists were the same because we are all very different people and have very different love languages. A few qualities we all did agree on. Probably the same things you might agree on- but the order might vary. Whatever it is you find a Deal Breaker- here is a list of the Deal Makers.

Nadine’s list:

1- This should come as absolutely no surprise to anyone- A Jesus Follower- A man who puts God first – willing to attend church WITH me- not just lip service. Absolutely no 14-year-old avoidants allowed- He can’t SAY he wants to go with me to church and then look for a million excuses not to go. Or worse- keep me from going.

2- Intimacy – very important- which is why it’s listed as number two. Is he in complete and total agreement and understands what I need from him? – x 365 – Loyal & Trustworthy- Safe!

3- Financially stable- Is he willing/capable to work or is he retired? – financially fit – mainly the point is he is NOT dependent on me to support him.

4- While were at it- He is NOT dependent on substances- alcohol, cigarettes, weed, prescription drugs, dip, vape, food…whatever.

5- Health promotion- Is he fit? Does he work out? Does he enjoy various activities – walking, biking, hiking, motorcycles- Is willing to go to the doctor or hospital if he is sick? Does he eat well? He doesn’t over eat- He doesn’t over drink.

6- Can he and will he travel by trains/planes and automobiles as well as he is not afraid to cruise? And is he willing to take at least one vacation a year if not two?

7- Is he Educated- reads something daily. Can he carry on an intelligent conversation – especially with my friends and my family?

8- Does he have a sense of humor and likes to laugh? Even at himself? He is not a mean practical joker.

9- Will he handle his own dysfunctional exes and children? And it is understood- He Never will expect me to deal with his ex drama mama.

10- Is he Loyal and does he love me as much or more than I love him? Does he love to spoil me as much as I love to spoil him?

Whew! And there you have it! The best top ten list in the trailer park and perhaps the world. Of course the perfect man does not exist- just the perfect one for you and me. I wish you luck as you pursue a relationship with the perfect mate for you.

Listingly yours,

Nadine Bodine

Your Very BEST friend in the whole wide world 🌎

365-15 Nadine on…Damned if you do…damned if you don’t

One minute- you’re pretty sure of yourself sitting on top of the world. Purpose in hand. You have a reasonable amount of certainty in your hip pocket. Life is good.

The next minute you find yourself standing blindfolded in the middle of a 5-lane freeway – cars racing by in both directions – not sure of anything and praying for an old fashioned toll road.

The conflicting statement ‘damned if you do and damned if you don’t’ was first penned by an American Evangelist, Lorenzo Dow. He had set his course to preach at age 19. The post-Mortem publishing’s of his writings revealed his disappointment with the religious teachings of his colleagues. He was particularly critical of their conflicting interpretations of the Bible. ‘You can and you can’t-You shall and you shan’t-You will and you won’t-And you will be damned if you do-And you will be damned if you don’t.’

It’s confusing to receive and try to decode mixed signals regardless of context.

Transparency is hard.

Authenticity is hard.

So what do you do? How do you decide?

You still have to do you, Boo.

Damnedly yours,

Nadine Bodine

Your Very BEST friend in the whole wide world 🌎

365-14 Warrior Mindset

365-14

To what do you turn when the going gets rough? Sex? Food? Work? Adult beverages? Amazon or Flakebook Marketplace Retail therapy? Gambling? Ugh. Binging television shows?

Whatever the crutch, know this – everyone has a weakness. You are definitely not alone on your little Yellowstone Ranch island in Montana drinking Coke Zeros and noshing on homemade Chex mix while you wait for Door Dash to deliver your food and fantasize about a roll in the hay with a guy like Rip! Just me?!

When we have to deal or cope with the life stuff we tend to gravitate towards those things that are soothing to our brokenness and probably made us feel better in the past. And why not? You’re having a bad day! You deserve a break today.

But what if you’re having a bad day for 6 months (read three years)? Then a bad day becomes a lifestyle. And somebody (read you) is gonna have to fix it!

Enter the Warrior Mindset. A place where anyone can mentally transcend. Not always a safe soft spot to land- but no one ever promised it would be. A place where a showing up with an attitude of strength and purpose that expects and accepts conflict is half the battle. Warriors love a battle as much as they do peace.

Were it not for the capacity to transcend into a Warrior Mindset- I might not have survived. I might have laid down the gauntlet. I certainly could have melted into a puddle. But I didn’t. I survived the battle.

So when the going gets tough? The tough don’t have to go shopping…but if y’all do- be sure and call me!

Mindfully yours,

Nadine Bodine

Your Very BEST friend in the whole wide world 🌎

365-13 Change

Change is good.

We can all agree that, overall, change IS good. Of course most would also agree that change – just for the sake of change – is generally bad.

When you’re resilient, you learn quickly that change can turn out to be very good for you even if you didn’t see it coming. As you develop resilience the less you expect a change the easier it is to accept and adapt. Without resilience – the whole apple cart turns upside down and you might fail to thrive. Awful.

Adaptability is a key player to embracing change, whether big and small. And the ability to duck and roll with the punches is uber helpful, mostly so you don’t get hit in the face.

If there is anything I can willfully change, of course, is me! My behaviors and attitudes, the way I think and speak, how I respond instead of react are all things I have control over. Things I can change if I choose to.

What I can’t change is how others feel and think about things. Sure, I can try to persuade them to see my point of view- but the bottom line is they won’t change unless they choose to. I can’t change others. I can only change me and a graceful purposeful change is always better.

Sometimes circumstances will change me – even if I don’t want them to. That’s ok.

Changingly yours,

Nadine Bodine

Your Very BEST friend in the whole wide world 🌎

365-12 Resilience

Resilience.

To that I say – I am the poster child.

More than half of my life has been spent being resilient.

In fact, the very first word out of my BFF’s mouth when I announced the news of my most recent divorce (#3- don’t judge) was, ‘If anyone is resilient, it’s you.’

ISTG

Call her and ask her.

This word carries with it a heavy hitting connotation. Because NOT everyone gets to wear the title and sport this heavy weight buckle.

Resilient means that no matter the storm- you can weather it. The whole entire world might flip upside down- but still- you will survive it. And while the wind might howl at your door, you are locked safe inside. Knowing. You were meant to survive. I never doubted it.

I did survive.

It wasn’t of my own doing though. I held fast to the one who held on to me. The Bible tells us in Isaiah 41:10 that no matter what comes- God has us. He held me, literally, in his righteous-right-hand.

Countless times when I was fearful- it was this verse that guided me to fear not. When I was anxious and believing the lies the evil one would plant in my head- my soul rested in ‘I AM your God.’ I stood on His promise, ‘I will strengthen you.’ I slept under his watch with ‘I will help you.’ And I claimed victory with ‘I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.’

Resilient.

That’s me.

Fearless. Strong and brave. Survivor.

Resiliently yours,

Nadine Bodine

Your Very BEST friend in the whole wide world 🌎

365-11 Revolving doors vs. Evolving doors

Here’s something to ponder. Have you ever walked around and around on a revolving door? Not bothering to step off? Of course not. That would be silly and you would be dizzy and nauseous.

And yet, life’s events and peoples choices often mimic that very thing.

People have a romantic tendency to return to people-places-relationships where they once felt safe. Only not everything is the same as it once was. People and circumstances change and their romanticism gets them into deep trouble.

Please don’t spend your life looking back- it’s too short as it is. There is no going forward while you’re looking back. Surely, by now, you understand the reason why the windshield is way larger than the rear view mirror.

If you want to live and win at life you can’t keep playing back the same old-same old tapes. Switch the channels. Find a new channel.

Get off the revolving door – aka the hamster wheel – and don’t look back. And never allow yourself to step back in – or worse yet, get sucked back in.

Instead, find a new door. A door where once opened you can evolve instead of revolve. You’re worth more. Love and trust you more and then maybe you can love and trust others again.

Evolvingly yours,

Nadine Bodine

Your Very BEST friend in the whole wide world 🌎

365-9 Living in Abundance

Here we go again! Gratitude time is in full throttle.

The tides turned today and all is completely well at Nadine’s Love Shack. ♥️♥️♥️

My life is full to the brim and I REALLY couldn’t ask for more from God or the Universe. You?

Have you ever stepped back and really looked at your life under the microscope? Today I did.

It really is beautiful.

I have a sweet safe warm house to sleep in, enough food to fill my belly and those of many others, friends who love me to the moon 🌙 and Jesus.

What more could I possibly want? A martini- yeah- no. It’s bedtime. Nadine.

Tonight is a short one- but meaningful. I hope you are living as abundantly as me.

Abundantly yours,

Nadine Bodine

Your Very BEST friend in the whole wide world 🌎

365-8 Intentional Breakup/Divorce

Intentionally Divorced

If you’re like me – Have you ever wondered how people you know have gone through a messy (or not messy) divorce and come out intact and in better shape than they were before they started the process?

I am here to tell you it is entirely possible to do so.

While the process itself can be quite painful for some leaving lasting scars; you can actually heal, salvage yourself and your relationships if done with grace and humility.

Ok- I know what you’re thinking right now. You’re thinking, ‘ I’m not the one with the problem. If only the other side could be humble, fair, reasonable then everything would be just fine.’

Sure. Of course.

Guess what? It IS fine. It is fine already.

But not because of ANYTHING the other player in this game has done. It is fine because you choose for it to be so.

Because we are only given about 24 hours in advance from God to see the future- sometimes even less so- you cannot possibly know all that lies ahead. Right? And there are regular days where the ability to even see 24 minutes ahead is a huge challenge.

BE BLUNT.

I would say be honest, but too many people are not able to be truthful when it comes to their own shortcomings or asking for what they want. Instead, I advise you to forgo honest and just be blunt.

Say exactly what you mean. Don’t soften any blows. It only hurts more in the end. Trust me. A straight to the chase approach will be better in the end for everyone.

‘If you say, hey, I’m really not happy right now.’ It implies that now is bad, but there is still hope for later. Way too much can be read into the above statement. Especially if the divorce is your idea and the other person is hanging onto a shred of hope that things might be worked out.

There is really only one scripted way to tell your partner/lover/spouse that the relationship needs to end. You MUST say, ‘I want a divorce.’ There are no blurred lines in that simple sentence. It implies real time. It states very simplistically what you want. And it doesn’t beat around any bushes.

This life is way to short to hem and haw or worse- expect someone to read your damn mind.

Just rip the band-aid off and let everyone move on in peace.

Bluntly yours,

Nadine Bodine

Your Very BEST friend in the whole wide world 🌎

365-7 Karma

A long time fraternity brother 🖤💛 and friend in Christ, Earl Dean, questioned a recent story post on social media and I am so glad he did! One, it shows that somebody is listening and two, it keeps me on the porch knowing that what I write might spark my friends to question, cuss & discuss.

Here is the image of the post:

For many moons now, I have been sharing with y’all that I believe there is balance in the Universe. Many call this balance Karma and believe it to being dispensed for only for bad acts. I’m here to say that the true spirit of this word, Karma, can be for bad OR for good.

Earl Dean, a devout Christian man, misunderstood.

So, I’ll break it down further here. You don’t have to be Hindu to believe in consequences for your actions. Karma has become just a word we use (read Urban Slang). It’s a concept. A concept of receiving a payback- if you will- for what you done to others. Also known as accountability.

Its fair to say the Christian community believes that God, Himself, the master and creator of the Universe, WILL hold each and every one of us accountable. I also believe this with all of my little black heart.

We can read in the Bible:

Hebrews 4:13-16 – Nothing in all creation is hidden from God. Everything is naked and exposed before His eyes, and He is the one to whom we are accountable. Whether we accept it or not, the Bible is clear that we are all accountable to God, and since nothing is hidden from Him, we will have to give an accurate account.

Indeed.

You don’t have to accept it for it to be true.

What you say and do…or fail to say and fail to do will affect you and your relationship with the Universe, with God and all of the people within your reach. And you will answer for it – as will I.

Those of us who came up Catholic- How many times have we prayed the following?

PENITENTIAL ACT

I confess to almighty God,

and to you, my brothers and sisters,

that I have greatly sinned

through my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done, and in what I have failed to do;

through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault; therefore I ask blessed Mary ever-Virgin, all the Angels and Saints,

and you, my brothers and sister, to pray for me to the Lord our God.’

So be careful little hands what you do…or fail to do. Be carful little mouths what you say…or fail to say.

Whatever word or phrase you gravitate towards- Karma or Accountability or something else, know this: There will be an accounting. For all of the bad. And also for all of the good. And we will each have to answer to it.

Back to Karma- it’s not my job to dispense it. That job is way too big. That’s God’s job.

As far as the deadline, there is no deadline, friends. Karma has no deadline.

Karmetically yours,

Nadine Bodine

Your Very BEST friend in the whole wide world 🌎

365-6 Emotional Closure

We have all been hurt. We have all experienced an emotional loss of some kind or other. And we have all had to pull up our own boot straps and move forward. Not that it’s fun- but we have all done it.

The days/weeks/months/years!!! that follow can be hell depending on the degree of the loss and our own processing skills. Processing the loss and making the decision – conscious or not- to take the next steps forward can be dicey. And rewarding.

First of all – How in heck do you know when it’s time to start closing the chapter and move on? What should you look for? Don’t be so dang stubborn..or blind…or caught up in your own mess that you miss the sign.

Those questions rolled around in my heart and disrupted my peace for a ridiculously long time. Way longer than they should have, trust me. Along the way I lied to myself in my own voice.

Trust was so far out the window that I didn’t even trust myself. How could I?

Lying runs deep. As does it’s first cousin deception. It didn’t help that the devil’s chronic whispers in my ear gave way for me to not trust my own judgement.

The good news is God, in all of HIS truth, shattered the despair and the mistrust to first restore my faith in my own judgement. In that trust I was able to close the door by myself. Thereby opening the door for me to trust others again. Such a blessing. But it did not happen overnight.

The process was painfully slow. The methods to the madness weren’t always clear. And I continued to question God and myself every step of the way. Was I doing the right thing? Would the outcome be as I expected? Would it be better? Or worse?

So how do you know? I’ll tell you- It’s time to close the chapter when your peace is so horribly disrupted that you can think of nothing else.

That is when you know. Fold your cards. Push in your chair. And walk away with your head held high and your dignity and integrity close by.

Don’t let yourself hang on one season, one circumstance or one word. It isn’t worth it. But You ARE worth it! Protect your peace. Find your peace from all of the drama and close the chapter.

Better things lie ahead. Write a new chapter. Love THIS season. And for God’s sake- if it’s not your door- don’t open it! Leave it closed.

Closingly yours,

Nadine Bodine

Your Very BEST friend in the whole wide world 🌎